Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
should my penis look like a turkey
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
