i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
