just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize