You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
