Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm like, not good at living.
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