just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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