yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
