i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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