If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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