He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
