Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
