So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
