I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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