How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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