While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Randomize
