Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
