Im at strip club and am horny
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
