there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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