i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
