he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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