Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
