I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
