yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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