it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Randomize
