i think my tv is drunk
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
