take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
