Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
