I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
