i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize