Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
My Higher Power is John Stamos
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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