Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
