Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
