I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
