Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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