sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
