my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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