I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
