I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
