**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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