I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Randomize
