He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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