Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize