It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Non-Jews are for practice
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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