Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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