this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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