dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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