You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
