ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
