quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
