The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
