I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I forget how to act sober
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize