My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
