turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Please don't give away my fajitas
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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