Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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