when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
nutella sex= disaster
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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