I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize