my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Randomize
