Your favorite bartender is back from prision
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
