I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
