Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Someone came in the potted fern
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
