Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
