I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
