So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
