I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
