Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
