DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
