Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Sext me about skeletons
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize