its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
my being single is dangerous.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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